In terms of expectations there is a difference between a girl and a boy. Even after marriage there were certain things. Of course my in-laws were very open. But yes, there still is a certain kind of expectations which comes with a bahu that these are the jobs of a girl so they are supposed to do it. So those certain expectations come up. Even though my husband and I are both are working, in fact my work timings are more than my husbands, but still they would expect me to do those household jobs…

So a very simple example: if my husband is coming late from the office, so I need to – of course the food is cooked, but my in-laws would expect me to serve him the food. And I remember this particular example because we had quite a bit of discussion on this and my husband used say ‘I am okay because I am coming so late at 10pm and she is busy with the kid or rather infant at that stage. So if she is busy feeding him or putting him to sleep, I can do all these things on my own. I have been doing on my own’. But my in-laws used to be like ‘no she is supposed to serve you. She has to heat the food and give you and all. You shouldn’t be doing it on your own.’

So those types of expectations do come up. I used to have a part timer maid for every work. But she didn’t use to stay with us initially. Now of course I have a live-in maid but earlier we didn’t have that concept. So my in-laws used to expect that giving milk and everything in the night was my job. And of course, they won’t let him enter the kitchen.

….and that was quite a change for me. My in-laws moved in with us when I was expecting and was almost in my last trimester (like 8th month or so). Before that my husband and I used to – I mean it was just the two of us and there was no one else –  but yes, we used to share all the work in terms of beyond office whatever was there to be done at home like food and all or anything. We used to both share our responsibilities. So sometimes, of course just because I was in that expecting stage, he used to prepare…well not prepare dinner but he used to heat it and serve and all those things. He used to do those things. But the moment my in-laws came in, it suddenly stopped.

So he stopped entering into the kitchen completely. It was really sudden. It was such a shock [Laughs] and everything came on me. And now it was even more work, because I had to do not just for the two of us but for everyone.

In fact, I remembered discussing this with him and he said that it will be very weird for him to enter into the kitchen now. ‘Even they (in-laws) won’t like it and I will also feel very shy or weird getting into the kitchen when my parents are there’. So these subtle things are there, I think. There is no rule book anywhere and no one says anything anywhere. But these are subtle expectations from a girl or a boy.

*pseudonym

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In terms of expectations there is a difference between a girl and a boy. Even after marriage there were certain things. Of course my in-laws were very open. But yes, there still is a certain kind of expectations which comes with a bahu that these are the jobs of a girl so they are supposed to do it. So those certain expectations come up. Even though my husband and I are both are working, in fact my work timings are more than my husbands, but still they would expect me to do those household jobs…

So a very simple example: if my husband is coming late from the office, so I need to – of course the food is cooked, but my in-laws would expect me to serve him the food. And I remember this particular example because we had quite a bit of discussion on this and my husband used say ‘I am okay because I am coming so late at 10pm and she is busy with the kid or rather infant at that stage. So if she is busy feeding him or putting him to sleep, I can do all these things on my own. I have been doing on my own’. But my in-laws used to be like ‘no she is supposed to serve you. She has to heat the food and give you and all. You shouldn’t be doing it on your own.’

So those types of expectations do come up. I used to have a part timer maid for every work. But she didn’t use to stay with us initially. Now of course I have a live-in maid but earlier we didn’t have that concept. So my in-laws used to expect that giving milk and everything in the night was my job. And of course, they won’t let him enter the kitchen.

….and that was quite a change for me. My in-laws moved in with us when I was expecting and was almost in my last trimester (like 8th month or so). Before that my husband and I used to – I mean it was just the two of us and there was no one else –  but yes, we used to share all the work in terms of beyond office whatever was there to be done at home like food and all or anything. We used to both share our responsibilities. So sometimes, of course just because I was in that expecting stage, he used to prepare…well not prepare dinner but he used to heat it and serve and all those things. He used to do those things. But the moment my in-laws came in, it suddenly stopped.

So he stopped entering into the kitchen completely. It was really sudden. It was such a shock [Laughs] and everything came on me. And now it was even more work, because I had to do not just for the two of us but for everyone.

In fact, I remembered discussing this with him and he said that it will be very weird for him to enter into the kitchen now. ‘Even they (in-laws) won’t like it and I will also feel very shy or weird getting into the kitchen when my parents are there’. So these subtle things are there, I think. There is no rule book anywhere and no one says anything anywhere. But these are subtle expectations from a girl or a boy.

*pseudonym

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